C’mon Sea Legs, pull yourself together
You’re gonna have to learn to like
The rockin’ of the waves, whatever.

“C’mon Sea Legs” by Immaculate Machine

  • Probably going to be the last entry for awhile.  Feel like this has run its course and no one is really reading it anyway.  Been fun, but the regular posts aren’t doing much.
  • Still processing that last episode of Doctor Who.  Such a hard hitting episode on so many levels.  More so when you start noticing all the little things.
  • 4th of the July just didn’t have the same feel as has in past years.  Maybe its Trump and the party before country mindset we’re stuck in.  Maybe its that work tried to call me to work on my day off.  It could be a lot of things.  I grilled.  It was fun.  Still feels like something was lacking.
  • Comics continue to roll along.  Started doing some rough pencils on the Brigade as I chug along with Order of the Dragon.  Liking where that one is so far, going to try to do some different things art wise.  Experimenting with using red pencils for the first layer of lines, different forms of inking…  I like what I’m doing with some of this stuff.
  • I like to think the questions we ask can be just as important as the answers we find.  Do we ask the right questions?  Do we understand the difference between “how” and “why” in our lives?  While the Truth will depend on our perspective, I think it can be important to make sure we ask all the questions.  Don’t stop once you reach the conclusions you want, make sure you ask the questions to fully comprehend those conclusions.
  • Came across this article the other day.  About what happens to your body when you stop having sex.  Some interesting thoughts.  I’ve given sex a fair amount of study since it is one of what I call the “Projections” from a previous relationship.  By saying “Projections”, I mean that it was an apparent issue, but one I was never sure was entirely a me thing.  Those three or four things were ones that it felt like I took the brunt of the blame when I shouldn’t have.  Particularly with sex.  A healthy sex life is good for any relationship, and while I could have taken more initiative in those endeavors, I feel like she never really acknowledged that it was her body and if I wasn’t doing the right things, she needed to be crystal clear about that.  Stop turning it into a head game and try to enjoy it.  Anyway, some fairly illuminating points here and it does raise another question or two about that relationship and a couple of factors working against us.  And I would like to get laid a bit more often, but there are hindrances with that at the moment and I do feel like a healthy individual with somewhat well managed stress.
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And no one suspects a thing
They’re all hiding just the same
They ache for an outbound train
And the wheels stopped turning in their brains

“Dance on Stilts” by Blue Oyster Cult

  • Started doing some layouts for the superhero comic I’ve talked about, the one centered around dichotomy.  Reread the poem, “The Charge of the Light Brigade” as I began to clarify my outlines.  Settling on it being called “The Brigade” for now.  Using that as a bit of a loose influence for where my themes are going with.  So it is basically that and Overwatch as influences.  Hoping to start some serious work on that as I get Order of the Dragon’s first story closer to done.  Hopefully going to have the first issue pretty down to only lettering and touch-ups by the end of the week, inking page
  • Is just me, or does it feel like the White House is keeping the Russia thing alive longer than it ever should have?  I mean, if there was nothing illegally or morally questionable done, couldn’t Trump have laid all this to rest with his tax returns?  Or by simply keeping his mouth shut?  I don’t know, just feels like we’re getting conned all over again.
  • Made it to the meeting for the Vermont Comic Creators thing.  It was good to be social again.  Hoping to do more with it in the coming months.  Kind of fun that we have this going on in Vermont.

Vacation Retrospective

June 24, 2017

 

It took so much effort, not to make an effort.

“Florida” by Modest Mouse

Alternatively titled, “Why Do I Have To Go Back To Work Tonight?”

It was a good vacation.  I had hoped to be done with the inking of Order of the Dragon #1, I am about four pages short on that.  Working on lettering the fourth page right now, redoing a bit of dialog that’s been bothersome.  Hopefully the next day or two and I will get that done.  I’d like to be getting something printed off in actual book form, but I’ll see where I am at that point.  I’m posting the pages I’ve got lettered.  Couple of minor things I’ve got to fix on those, but it is underway.

Wanted to go kayaking more.  Rained almost every day.  Never really got around to a few outdoor projects I wanted to.  vigilante lawncare and such.  Oh well.

Applied for a couple of jobs.  Mentioned something about the soap factory to my Mother, who said it was probably a good thing I didn’t go there because it “might bother my allergies.”  And all the cleaning chemicals I’m around every night at work doesn’t do that?

 

 

That song lyric from Modest Mouse has been bouncing around my head for a few days.  Basically sums up my thoughts on a few matters.  One of the things I think people like to say is that they put so much effort into something when it seems obvious they did not.  Not really.  In those cases, I do think people put more effort into trying to convince people they did make that effort in the days after rather than trying in the first place.  Trying to buy solutions rather than getting into the problems themselves.  I will admit to cases in my life where there was more effort spent to convince everyone else of the effort put forth.

Effort is obvious.  If you’re making an effort, there won’t be much question.  One of the things I tried to avoid doing is talking too much about what I did to make things work in a variety of areas because it is or should be obvious.  I have gone into detail about a few things, but it was nothing I thought was not obvious.  And I don’t deny there were times I could have made more of an effort.

In any relationship, professional or personal, effort works on reciprocation.  At work, I think it is clear I have made efforts to make my situation and make it better to no avail.  I think people know I’ve made the effort and am focused on getting into a better situation, but at this point there has been little matching of my effort.  With LMCBW, I think people know that I made a lot of efforts in that situation that were not necessarily reciprocated by her.  Business or professional, relationships are in trouble if one side is buying solutions or avoiding effort.

“Do.  Or do not.  There is no try.”  I think Yoda nails it.  Point is, people can tell when you’re not making that effort.  I’ve been in a relatively bad situation in one way or another for most of the last four or five years.  As much as I’ve stalled out and had to make some adjustments, I’m continuing to make those efforts.  I won’t be wasting a lot of time explaining that I’ve made an effort.  If it isn’t clear, people need to start looking again.  I have no interest in explaining the obvious to people.

When you’re miserable, you need to make someone even more miserable than yourself.

-Lucy “Elfen Lied”

  • Kind of want to watch Elfen Lied again.  I should see if that’s on Netflix.  That quote stuck out to me for a few reasons.  That seems like a mindset a lot of people like.  Misery likes company.  Too many people get caught up in their misery and struggle to see the real solutions looking them right in the face.  When it comes to loved ones, it was never because of what they were/are.  I always loved them for what they could be.  Their potential.  I will always believe in potential.  Dragging everyone into your misery is just wasting that potential.
  • Chugging along on a variety of projects during my vacation.  It amazes me how it feels like I’m accomplishing so much more when I’m not spending 80% of my time sleepwalking through everything.  Order of the Dragon #1 is right on track.  Hoping to have the inking done by the time I go back to work and be at least started on lettering at that point.  From there, maybe getting some feedback and going towards getting something printed in book form.  Also getting the sketch cards rolling.
  • Working on a page in Order of the Dragon #2 the other day, one featuring one of the primary protagonists, Liana–there will be three by the end of the issue, Liana, Nosferatu and Jimmy.  One concern I had was introducing too much in the course of one issue, but it makes more sense when I factored in that this issue dealt primarily with the fallout of the first issue.  But anyway, I ended up drawing Liana a certain way.  Less of the usual female, hour-glass you see in comics.  Nosferatu totally gets that and I will admit to some gratuitous ass shots.  Liana got drawn with more of a full figure.  While some in story stuff might lead to some alterations, I like that look to start.  Just thinking about how female characters get depicted.
  • Also starting to work on a bit of “soundtrack” to Order of the Dragon.  Just random songs I listen to when I work on it.  I’ll post the current list at the bottom of the page.  It will probably be an expanding thing.
  • My cat got sprayed by a Skunk.  Again.  At least it’s been three or four years since the last time.  Less than amused with the little guy.  Well, I say little but he was 18.3 pounds when I brought him to the vet last week.  Either way, he’s a bit ripe right now.  Got to mix up the baking soda and peroxide stuff.  Now just letting him air out.  Alternating between calling him “Stinky” and “Pepe LePew”.

 

Order of the Dragon Soundtrack:

“Alone Together” by Fall Out Boy

“Centuries” by Fall Out Boy

“Immortals” by Fall Out Boy

“Your Spirit’s Alive” by Dropkick Murphys

“Nosferatu” by Blue Oyster Cult

“Is She With You? (Wonder Woman Theme)” by Hans Zimmer and Junkie XL (BvS soundtrack)

“Wonder Woman’s Wrath” by Rupert Gregson-Williams (Wonder Woman soundtrack)

“Love is Pain” by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlife” by A3

It’s about what you believe. And I believe in love. Only love will truly save the world.

-Wonder Woman

  • I might plan on seeing Wonder Woman at least one more time.  Definitely worth more viewing.  Have a vacation next week, so that will probably happen then.
  • I am right on track with where I was hoping to be as far as comics are concerned.  Inking is moving right along and I’ve got a good number of sketch cards/tiles drawn up.  Thinking about giving away a bunch of the tiles I did for practice.  Characters like Batman, Superman, Doctor Strange, Chandra from MTG, etc.  Noticed my Instagram has shifted pretty heavily to artwork–mostly my original projects too–and I’m pretty pleased with that.  Not that I’m not going to post the occasional Flex Friday selfie or cat pic, but I’m pleased to be using it mostly for art.
  • Funny story.  Last Friday I was getting Jeep worked on and I was walking down the street.  I come to an intersection and this car is coming across in front of me as I approach.  Somebody in the car shouts something, couldn’t quite make it out.  I look up and it looks like a group of young women in the car and as it goes by, the girl in the front passenger seat sticks her head out and makes a gesture for oral sex at me.  I just kind of stood there stupidly thinking, “Wait… What… Come back!  I want a BJ!”  Kind of silly, douchy response, but it was a bit of a silly situation.
  • A friend of mine was suggesting I look at jobs in Wisconsin.  I’m just generally like, “Wisconsin?  Seriously?”  I heard it’s a lot like Vermont, but you know what’s a lot like Vermont?  Vermont.  I like Vermont.  I like New England.  I’m not convinced I don’t have opportunities here.  And beyond farming itself–if only because it might have more of the diversity I am looking for–I’m not really that interested in Dairy Processing.  I’d like to learn something new.  Maybe there’s an observation about LMCBW’s sister and their dynamic on a level as well.  One of the things about that I think people ignored in that was the unsustainable nature of their move to Nevada and I saw a questionable pattern forming.  Her parents visit one week, a cousin the next.  Another cousin a few weeks later,  LMCBW a week or two later.  Aunts and uncles after that.  The sister comes back to VT for a few weeks in August and around Christmas.  That was kind of the reason I never expressed a strong desire to visit them at the time.  While I acknowledge my family operates differently, I would have little interest in starting a regular criss-crossing of the country.  It would get exhausting and does little good for anyone involved.  Plus, I’m in the middle of getting off my ass about making comics.  Moving across the country would just be one more distraction.
  • I talked about human sexuality the other day, and I’ve been thinking on that some more.  Probably because it is Pride Month.  Like most of the structures of our lives, we’re conditioned into thinking a certain way about things.  Sexual Orientation is no different.  If our tastes and preferences in what we look for in relationships can shift, if we can fall in and out of love like we do, it only makes sense that orientation and our views on it has the potential to shift as well.  We’re conditioned by centuries of ideology to believe that monogamous heterosexual relationships are the ideal.  Which makes it harder to question the truth of that.  I am straight, but I admit that isn’t nearly as simple of a statement as it seems.  I think the important thing to remember is that love and life are change.  Love people for what they could be as much as what they are.

Those cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

-George Santayana

  • Plugging away with the comics.  I feel I’ve made a lot of progress and I can really do some stuff with it now.  Looking into some Print on Demand/Self-publishing options for when I’ve gotten to that point.  Doing a lot of sketch cards and tiles for later use.
  • Hear very good things about the Wonder Woman movie.  Planning to go see it on Thursday or Friday.  If I really cared much for the DC vs. Marvel debate, I would say that DC has taken a bit of a lead if only because I feel they’ve done more with their female characters over four movies than Marvel has over twelve.
  • So I never really thought Kathy Griffin was all that funny or relevant to much of anything.  The picture of her the other day with the bloody Trump head was kind of weird.  I mean, I get that it bothered Barron Trump to see that type of thing.  However, did anyone think about Obama’s two daughters the myriad of times that he was lynched in effigy?  It was kind of glorified by various individuals and dismissed.  Now that its Trump, we’re supposed to be outraged?  No.  If Griffin is going to go through all this, drag Ted Nugent and all those tea party jackasses into it too.  They got a free pass and Trump signed up for this.
  • Shockingly enough, Bill Maher said something outrageous.  That’s never happened before.  Although this time he did go to an extreme with the “N” word.  A lot of people calling for HBO to fire him.  I’ve liked his show and thought he made a variety of good points.  The thing is, I feel that a lot of what he does is done by the Daily Show and the various off-shoots of that.  And they tend to do it better if only because they keep their egos more under control.
  • So apparently Jeff Sessions has offered to resign recently.  Or at least that’s what an article I saw indicated.  I don’t know how true that is.  It does raise I have pondered lately.  How stable are Trump’s appointees?  Especially if he continues to display his lack of stability?  People are all worried about Mike Pence becoming President, but we won’t know how many dominos will fall until the first one does or how many will.
  • It is important to remember that experiences can still teach long after they have occurred.  I feel I can say with certainty I won’t fuck up the same way twice.  The next job, the next relationship, the adventure… will all be better than ever.

Problems are just opportunities that haven’t presented themselves.

-Wilson Fisk, Daredevil

  • Hear good things about the Wonder Woman movie.  Gal Gadot looks fantastic.  Early reviews are positive, which is a nice change for a DC movie.  And controversial.  This whole thing about a “female only” showings is amusing to me.  You have groups made exclusively of men deciding what is legal and illegal to do with a woman’s body and people are going to get worked up over women only showings of Wonder Woman?  Shove it up your ass.
  • Also finally started watching the Netflix Marvel shows.  Only about halfway through Daredevil Season One, but it’s been good so far.
  • Inking away on Order of the Dragon #1 while drawing out issue #2.  Loving where the art has gone.  Actually feel like I’m getting somewhere with this.  Trying to focus more on inking as I prepare to make an attempt at getting an actual comic published, but also want to make sure I pencil a page a day.  Trying to find balance..  Starting to revisit the storyline I talked about for a superhero story where the hero and villain are the same person.  It’s a story that’s evolved a lot since I first thought it out, one I feel I’m more ready to delve into than I had been.  There was a lot of complexity that I only just now feel like I can really parlay into a page.
  • Doing a new  version of that Skyrim/Dragonborn drawing I’ve toyed around with in the past.  Was never 100% happy with the version I did, so I’ve been revisiting the concept.  Felt too cluttered and complicated, stepping back and simplifying it a bit.
  • Between what I’ve been doing with eBay and simply just being smarter with my money, I think I can actually follow through my plan to pay off a loan or card each month for the foreseeable future.  I’m going to post a couple more things on eBay tomorrow after work, try to post four or five things each week.  For the most part I’m going to repost the books I’ve posted already, maybe switching to a Buy It Now option instead.  Basically just trying to create flexibility and opportunities later on.  I’m still waiting to hear back about the jobs I’ve applied for, so the plan will be to continue with building up my financial cushion a bit more.
  • Read an article or two about relationships that were interesting.  This one was particularly interesting to me in that I keep hearing people say not to change who you are.  Got news for you:  Life is change, Love is change.  Make sure the person you’re with is somebody you want to change for and willing to make an effort to change yourself.  You want to stay the same for the rest of your life, there’s a probably a nice little rock out there for you to hide under.
  • This one also caught my attention in that it covers a lot of the primary reasons why relationships don’t work.  As much as life is change, we should understand the true reasons why things don’t work out.  I will admit one of the biggest things I’ve disagreed about was really the reasons why things didn’t work out.  Unraveling and truly understanding those reasons can be difficult but vital.
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