Grokking Truths

February 16, 2017

I like to occasionally take a moment to reflect on why I’ve been really trying to do a regular blog.  As I said when I was talking about the idea of Truth and how we struggle to speak them sometimes, one of my goals was to better understand the Truths in their fullness.  To grok them, if you will.  I will admit I did get sidetracked at times, but that was really the fundamental goal.  To grok what it is to be human and how to be a better human.  To better grok our world.  There has been some success and some failure, things I was right and wrong about.  When you understand the Truths of the world you live in, it becomes easier to develop the ideas necessary to build a better one.

A Truth I’ve come to accept lately is that humans are in too much of a hurry.  Like I said about the tendency to “Hurry Up and Wait” in people, we get into such a rush sometimes that all it leads to is waiting for the next thing to happen and the inaction can be worse than anything.  When I was in a relationship at about the two year mark, my ex and her cousin got together and planned out a whole wedding–best man, groomsmen, bridesmaids, color arrangements, etc.–and texted me about this when I was at work.  I believe it concluded with the message: “All you have to do is propose.”  At the time, I wanted to make sure we had a clearer plan about our future–housing, her family’s farm, etc.–but I had been giving some serious thought to proposing around that time.  After that exchange, I chose not to out of annoyance.  I think I shot back, “Why doesn’t your cousin just do it for me?”  I was annoyed, but then again, I was being pressured into something I had simply waiting for the right moment to do.  My own annoyance there might have been a bit of self-destruction on my part.  My point is, you get into a rush, you miss details and then you wonder why things go to pieces in the end.

Truths are important to acknowledge and I like to think I have come to realize many.  I’d like to touch on a few.

  • It is necessary to move beyond the binary–male/female, gay/straight, liberal/conservative, etc.–and think in terms of just being human.  Maybe an oversimplified approach, but it does prevent the traditional labels from interfering.  All of the words for human do little to add to the conversation, only muddling up what should be a picture of progress.  It will take a long time, but I like to think we’re getting closer.
  • Humans are too self-destructive.  I’ve covered a lot of the ways I’ve done damage to myself and I realize how hard it can be to stop self-destructing.  And the worst thing about that can be how we keep trying to tell ourselves how doing these things will somehow make things better even though we know they won’t.  And chances we don’t take out of fear where the stagnation only makes things worse.
  • One thing I’ve noticed is how nothing is really private in the sense that ripple effects hit a lot of people and everything goes outward.  When I went through a break-up after a three year relationship, I actually spent some time talking to her mother and sister in part for their input on her actions and in part to make sure they knew it wasn’t really my decision and if she was willing to listen and work things out we would have.  I felt like that was a half-way decent human being thing to do as I thought of them as family.  This last December, her mother actually sent me a message on FB wishing me a happy birthday.  I didn’t reciprocate for hers, but I wish I had.  However, I guess my ex never really felt the need to make contact with my mother after the break-up, despite numerous declarations of how “if we break up, I’m keeping your mother.”  My mother actually has expressed some offense over that and even declined to go to a wedding just to avoid seeing my ex.  My point is, the ripples will have an impact.  Not just in relationships, but there are ripples and aftershocks to almost every action we do.  I could probably come up with some work stories, but this is the one that springs to mind.

I got a few points bouncing around my head I wanted to touch on.  A bit on work/home separation, human nature… might tie some of this into a NaNoWriMo thing… Not sure yet…

The struggle of balancing work time and personal time has been something on my mind lately.  I saw something not that long ago about how Google has set up a gym and laundromat at their corporate offices, and I believe other places have implemented similar benefits.  Not necessarily a huge fan of this.

I actually have begun to turn down overtime if only because I feel work is trying too hard to take over more of my time.  I’ve been getting more concerned about how this impacts any number of things I wish to accomplish outside of work.  Our culture expects us to “get the job done” at whatever the cost, but that cost is ever growing.

An interesting  thought occurs to me in thinking about how I was considering a venture into farming over the last couple of years.  Mostly in that the separation is very difficult to consistently maintain in that industry.  That was one of my bigger concerns in that particular aspect if only because farming tends to be more of a lifestyle than a job.  Not impossible to find balance, but I would at least acknowledge the challenge.

I think it is an American thing, and not necessarily a healthy one.  We should have the people to make it easier to disconnect and live.  Just a thought.



First Statement:  People are silly.  I find myself thinking this due to a comment somebody made at work about how “men should use the men’s room and women should use the women’s room”.  There might have been a cheap shot about Hermaphrodites in there.  But what occurred to me is this:  Isn’t the whole premise kind of silly in the first place?  Isn’t it kind of sad we’re still at a point where we require separate bathrooms?  I totally understand the reasons why and they are legit.  As a culture, we’ve still got a lot of work to do in regards to respect and equality.  Really just stating the obvious there.

Second Statement:  Humans are not binary.  Lumping everybody into male or female, straight or gay just doesn’t work.  It never really has.  I was reading something not that long ago about how the percentage of women who have at least considered being with another woman is something in the neighborhood of sixty or seventy percent.  Guys are probably less inclined to take such a question serious enough to get real information on that, but I would admit to having given thought to what such things might be like at one point or another.  No intention of following through, but I would at least acknowledge the consideration.  Point is, we’re beyond the point where the binary designation apply.

Got a few thoughts today.  Some better than others.

  • About the same as ever when it comes to comics and writing.  Still grinding away.  Might post some in progress stuff this week, just to prove I’ve been doing something.
  • Pesto Chicken came out fairly well, will make a couple of minor tweaks on the second attempt.  As did the Sweet Potato Fries, even if they were a bit soft.  Sweet Potatoes cook up kinda funky.  Probably will have to use less oil or cook them longer.  Going to spend some time on one of my usual recipes websites to figure out my next experiment.
  • Expanding my music library.  Added more Fall Out Boy, Prince, that last Modest Mouse album I never got around to, some odd tunes I had forgotten to add over the course of recent history.  Mostly I just add whatever I feel the mood for.  Star Wars soundtracks were big for me a few months ago.  Trying to diversify.  Given the way one generation influences another, diversity can be tricky.
  • Still looking around at dogs.  Looking at various types of Shepherds mostly.  There’s an Australian Shepherd that’s caught my attention that’s up for adoption right now.  Thinking about taking a weekend to visit this place for Huskies out in New Hampshire.  A rescue kennel and sled dog education thing.  Looks like it is just off the route I used to take when I went out to Maine, so there a couple of spots along the way I wouldn’t mind popping into.  Could be a fun weekend, although it seems like cleaning a husky could be a pain so I probably won’t go that route.  Ordered a book or two about training dogs off of Amazon.  Mostly to learn and sate some curiosity, always fun to learn more.  Might be wise to wait for a change in my living situation before closing this deal though.  Mom made some crack the other day about Loki wanting “somebody to play with,” hinting at the idea of another cat.  As far as another cat is concerned, right now there’s really only one I would consider.  I do miss the Mustache.  Unfortunately, I don’t foresee any anything with that.  Oh well, Loki seems happy enough right now.
  • The Soul Wars drag on.  In some ways, I’m just hoping to be wrapping up any number of things soon.  The stagnation of process is becoming more and more frustrating.  One of the more annoying things with what’s been going on at work and in my personal life over the last year is how many mixed signals I received all over the place.  People are a lot more convinced you know what you’re doing if you have some conviction and consistency.  If you spend more time trying to convince yourself and everybody else you’re doing the right thing rather than doing the right thing, is it really the right thing?  It can be pretty obvious when people are trying too hard to prove the wrong decision was the right one, but deep down everybody knows it was the wrong one.  Just a thought as I look back on the ruins of the last year.
  • With every episode, I get the feeling this will be the last season of Castle.  Stana Katic announcing that she wasn’t coming back for the potential next season was the latest confirmation of this belief.  When they do make it official, I’ll probably write some kind of fond look back post about it.  Watching Castle was a big part of a relationship and the end of the show will probably bring on some feelings.  The word I’m using to describe this season is “forced.”  I understand trying to keep it going when the ratings were hot as hell and everybody loved it, but eventually the story has to come to a close.
  • I’ve been reflecting on what happened with Curt Schilling last week.  I totally say ESPN did the right thing.  He represents the company and he has crossed lines he should not have multiple times.  If the Red Sox traded him in 2004 after he started campaigning for George W. Bush in a World Series Press Conference, I would not have necessarily complained.  ESPN hired him to talk about baseball, not politics.  However, I would say this on the actual LGBT issues in question: patience.  As much I support advocacy and progress in these issues, we should remember that we are changing our culture and society.  That will take time and there will be struggles and growing pains.  People might need to be eased into new ideas.  Don’t expect everything to happen overnight.  Forcing it a bit can be good, but there is a fine line there.
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