Do you know what thinking is? It’s just a fancy word for changing your mind.

–The Doctor in Doctor Who “The Zygon Inversion”


  • Continuing with a previous post: Freedom of Speech.  I was thinking about the Bill Maher/Yiannopoulos interview and a point occurred to me.  I like to think that the whole point behind Freedom of Speech is the exchange of ideas.  Put forth new ideas that open people’s minds and get them thinking.  There’s a difference between trying to pick a fight and putting forth a new idea.  Ideas encourage thought and discussion.  Whenever I’ve tried to write seriously about any topic–guns, religion, relationships, politics, social issues, etc.–I’m really just trying to give people new ideas to think about.  I don’t necessarily overburden myself with a notion of being right or wrong.  And any of those ideas I usually think on more after I write about them and would be willing to have a discussion about.  I know that probably was never really possible for some people and probably never will be, but I wouldn’t mind discussion where possible.  Being challenged helps new ideas to form.
  • I’m pretty impressed that I’m holding steady at 175 pounds right now.  My diet and exercise routines seem to be working effectively enough and I’m ramping up the cardio lately.  Made it to 6.5 minutes on the elliptical machine.  Can’t wait to kayak and hike again.  I pretty much cut out cardio completely for the winter under the rational that I’m on my feet and running around for most of my eight hours at work every night so that should amount to something and I was trying to gain some significant weight.  Still not where I want to be in regards to sleep, but there’s always something to work on.
  • Trying to figure out how one is really supposed to celebrate President’s Day.  What is one supposed to do?
  • Lately, I’ve been giving more thought to bringing back Chlorine and Acid.  I almost did a special page about something that was going on at work, but events unfolded so it was unnecessary.  I feel like it is needed again.  Going to do some page layouts and maybe redraw some of the early pages.  Maybe even make some use of various reference pictures I took.

The game is afoot.

  • I collect Magic Cards, but I haven’t really played since college.  Mostly I just put decks together.  I’ll buy a booster pack or holiday box or whatever and start seeing what cards go together.  I’m not even really up to speed on a lot of the new abilities–energy counters, etc.–that have been added in recent years.  I might try to sell a few decks at some point.  I really don’t need the two dozen or so decks I’m working on.  I mean, I might like to play a few of them (the Chandra one, the Elf Deck, the Vampire Deck, Red/White Angel Deck) but most of them are ones I don’t really need.
  • Going to start working on a series of Magic the Gathering drawings soon.  Already did a Chandra sketch card, planning to do some some of those.  Maybe something more complex.  Going to try to get back to page work in the near future.  Problem is I always want to do ten pages when I should do one.  And burn myself out.  I have no pacing whatsoever.  Working on that.
  • Officially done bulking.  Got up to 180 pounds.  Pretty pleased about that, although I did briefly hope to get up to 200 pounds.  Combination of factors got in the way, but 180 was the goal along.  My general plan is to cut down to 170 or so.  The biggest thing has just been trying to learn to work with my body, not against it.  The big issue is still sleep, but not much to be done about that for now.  Kind of a body and mind thing.
  • Tried a new pre-workout that somebody gave me a sample of.  Stuff called 5150.  I think I read that it has 8 different types of caffeine.  Very powerful stuff.  If anybody wants to try it, be warned: it is very intense.
  • Thinking about trying to make Meatballs or something different than I’ve been making.
  • I wrote the other day about my experiences growing up on the family farm and been pondering that a bit more.  Basically I’ve gained more insight into a lot of what unfolded regarded my family’s history in farming and it has given me some new avenues of thought.  I don’t deny those experiences did give me a more pessimistic view of farming–and also of opportunities I was presented with, but that’s a story for another year.  Trying not to get into what ifs, but I do believe there were opportunities I could have done a lot with.  And maybe new options will present themselves.  I’m always keeping an eye open.
  • I find myself pondering options and opportunities.  The average person will change careers seven times.  I have to wonder if in trying to create a stable workplace, do employers limit the ability of workers to find better options and opportunities.  I get paid $22 and some change an hour with good benefits where I work, but does that pay rate keep me from seriously considering a job where I might be happier?  Where I might have better opportunities for advancement and more flexibility to pursue other endeavors?  And does the effort to maintain a stable workplace keep employers from finding people who are potentially better fits?  Stability and comfort can be as much a hindrance as a help.

Right now the song “Battle of Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down)” from Hamilton has been stuck in my head for the last couple of days.

  • Getting political again.  I’m making plans to get more involved in some political stuff.  Looking into some local groups, going to try to help out.  Advocacy groups and the like.  Voices need to be heard.  Thinking of starting a new blog with more focus on politics.  Might help to organize and focus my thoughts.
  • I was watching Bill Maher’s season premiere the other night and he said something I found interesting.  Talking about the Clintons, he expressed the thought of, “Thank you for service, now I never want to see you again.”  When Bernie Sanders really began to pick up momentum in the primaries, I read that as a sign that the political world was changing.  The era of the Bush and Clinton dynasties was coming to an end.  For a number of reasons, I look at it less as Trump winning and everybody else losing.  Trump’s election was less the will of the people and more… backlash from the attempt to resist the natural direction our political landscape was trying to go.  Trump is very much an establishment figure.  Power is going back to the people, but Trump is not the champion of that.
  • Enough political talk.  Let’s talk about sex.  Was working on a comic script and there was a sex scene.  In writing it, I was going through a bunch of sex positions I had bookmarked at various times.  One stuck out to me.  This has intrigued me for some time.  I think there was a variation where the man and woman are reversed, but it makes me wonder how likely a back injury would be with this.  Admitted I’m in pretty good shape right now, but I’m not sure whether or not I have enough body fat to pad myself or enough flexibility.  It would be a hell of a reason to call out from work though.
  • After being sick for most the last two weeks, I did end up losing a bit of weight.  I had been hovering around 180 pounds.  Now I’m sitting at 175.  I was going to do a bit of a cut, not to serious of one because I like where my weight is.  Basically I’m going to use up what I have left for Serious Mass and maintain for the foreseeable future.  175 was right about where I wanted to be anyway.
  • Reading about how lack of sleep affects your stomach bacteria.  Hint: it isn’t good.  I have noticed I am more prone to upset stomaches and related issues lately, despite improving my diet.  One more reason it was a big mistake to make the jump to working nights.
  • Thinking a little further on the post I did on Monday, I’m going to make a bit of a declaration.  I’m going to think of myself in one word: Human.  Stop with seeing myself as a male, absurdist, romanticidal, feminist, nerd, athlete, artist, writer, loser, etc…  Just see myself as “Human.”  We’ll see how that goes.
  • I realized the other day I actually do have fifty-something followers on this blog.  I find that mind-boggling sometimes.  I mostly do this more for myself, so I’m never really sure how to feel about people actually reading it.  I hope I’m putting some good ideas out there.


September 30, 2016

Few random things I didn’t really touch on with the Wednesday Post.

  • Going to a daily post reflecting on the day each day at NYCC next week rather than the usual Wednesday Wonderings.  I figure Thursday (Various Comic Book signings, Creator Meet-ups, Other Panels that have caught my attention), Friday (BBC event, Doctor Who Cosplay, Infinity Gauntlet 25th anniversary Panel) and Saturday (Breaking Into Comics Panel, Whatever else might happen) should be more than enough to warrant day to day posts.  There’s a Hulu Documentary being shown on Thursday I’m planning to go to about Bill Finger, the guy that “co-created” Batman.  I put that in quotes because Bill Finger–despite Bob Kane getting the credit for decades–really revamped the character into the hit character it became.  There are comics that show what Bob Kane’s original ideas entailed and they are dramatically different than what hit the page in Detective Comics #27.  Also a bit annoyed at a couple of scheduling conflicts.  Couples about making comics are at the same time as other events I wanted to go to, but that happens.
  • I gotta make business cards at some point this weekend.  Print them off on Monday or Tuesday.
  • Basically a full test of the Doctor Who cosplay.  Still going to grumble about not finding red Converse Chucks, but the white ones work.  Here’s a link to a picture of me in full costume.  All geared up with the sonic screwdriver and I was pretty happy when I took the pictures last night.
  • Been slacking on the drawings, but then again, I got a lot going on right now.  Hopefully during and after NYCC, I will get some more stuff done.
  • Might buy a Playstation 4 and a new TV after NYCC.  I thinking about the time that the new Skyrim comes out.  Been putting that off for awhile.
  • Bit of a running joke at work about how I’m not bringing the coworker I have the last few years.  It’s become more of a joke of late, in particular because he acts like I broke up with him or something.  I don’t know, I feel like my plan to simplify this trip will be more of a headache as a result of this.  I hope not.
  • Was feeling kind of sick today, headaches mostly.  Probably not taking in enough fluids.  Dehydration has been a bit of an issue for me at times, catching up to me at odd moments.  I’m on my fourth cup of tea and will continue to work on that.

Some thoughts for the last week.

  • Getting back to baking stuff.  Already tried one recipe from the Protein Cookbook, going to try more in coming days and weeks.  That’s going to be tomorrow’s big grocery shopping trip.  Also trying to get back to drinking Apple Cider Vinegar.  I’ve drinking a lot of Kombucha tea lately, which has a lot of the same benefits as ACV.  My mom has been making it, so I have it readily available.  As a result, I got away from drinking ACV.  Thought it might be redundant.  However, in the last few weeks or two I’ve had a few minor health issues–primarily headaches/migraines this last weekend–that might be helped by drinking ACV again.  My diet has shifted significantly over the last month or two, so my digestion might be needing a bit more help to adapt.
  • Vermont Comiccon is coming up.  I will be a volunteer there, working as “Celebrity Queue Control.”  Should be fun.
  • Excited for NYCC–still two months away–and I’ve got all my books picked out to get signed, planning to do a number of things.  Budgeting is going on.  Lot of Doctor Who stuff going on down there.  Matt Smith, Karen Gillan and Jenna Coleman will be there.  And there will be a big BBC/Doctor Who event at the Madison Square Garden theatre.  Capaldi and the new companion will both be there.  Apparently they’ve booked part of MSG for NYCC this year.  Might be a ten minute walk away from the Convention it is usual at?  NYCC gets bigger every year.
  • Thinking about Cosplaying this year.  I did dress up as the 10th Doctor one year for Halloween and it came out alright–probably even better now that I have an actual budget to work with and I already have his Sonic Screwdriver that I bought at the Doctor Who booth one year–and I got a couple of other ideas I might play with.  Been shopping around for some gear in that regard.  Problem with Cosplay is you can get pretty sweaty and nasty by the end of the first day.  I could pull off a 10th Doctor or a Sherlock.
  • Did a bit of a 180 on the working nights thing.  They offered me more money.  While the money is nice, it isn’t the deciding factor.  Right now I have more of a long term plan that involves sticking with this for a bit longer.  How much longer?  We will see.

Some random stuff.

  • Voted in the state primary.  Feeling like I have to participate more.
  • Physically I’m feeling better than I have in a long time.  Still experiencing a lot of sleep deprivation, but overall good.  Last couple of weigh-ins at the gym have been at 165 pounds, so I’m making ground there.  Using the Serious Mass mix to make a 1,300 calorie shake has helped.  Might have been a bit disconcerting to be gaining weight as quick as I have, but I think that’s in part due to how much time I spend at the gym.  I established a solid baseline to build on and that’s helped to add mass quickly.  Also, I’ve been eating like a pig.  I’ve also developed a weird habit of feeling myself up more than I should.  Might be a bit of a bad habit.
  • Well, the work stuff is sorted out a bit and I’ve come up with a much clearer plan.  Basically I’m hoping in October I’ll be much more on track with getting the ball rolling on some business ventures beyond cheese.  Primarily in the areas of comics and graphic design, but there are other options I’m exploring too.
  • Related note, I’m thinking about relationships again.  I wish I had been hitting on the Medical Assistant at the Dermatologist’s office when I was getting my warts blasted.  I think her name was Megan?  Unfortunately I was getting warts blasted so I decided against that pursuit.  Oh well.  She was hot, but knowing my luck attached to someone already.  Still got an option or two on the table.  Might get the ball rolling in that area if a few things go the right way.
  • Why is it we make our lives so complicated?  So much of it is unnecessary, so why not keep it simple?  Kind of a continuation of a few thoughts I brought up recently.  Seems like sticking to that basic idea would do a lot of good.

Pick A Title

June 16, 2016

(Another insomnia post, related a bit to what I’m talking about.)

There was a Mel Brooks movie in the late seventies called High Anxiety.  It was based a send-up on Alfred Hitchcock movies, primarily mimicking the plot of Vertigo–if I’m not mistaken, it has been a few years since I saw either.  Not really the highlight of the Mel Brooks catalog, it was after the Blazing Saddles/Young Frankenstein phase and before Spaceballs/Robin Hood: Men In Tights wrapped up his directorial career.

It springs to mind because the main character is diagnosed with “High Anxiety” which they state impacts a surprising percentage of people.  Can’t remember exactly what the old doctor says.  Lately I’ve been reading up about Anxiety Disorders.  Mostly to educate myself.  There are two or three areas in  particular where I’m trying to learn more.

The first is professional.  Working nights in the situations we’ve had going on at work, I’ve on a couple of occasions wondered if certain aspects of that could lead to an anxiety disorder of some kind.  I’m an introvert to begin with, which is not necessarily a disorder, but it is something to be aware of.  I know at least one coworker that has admitted to me that he has anxiety issues, and it would not surprise me to find out there are a few more with some anxiety problems.  So, given that there is a some history of it occurring and knowing that I’m subjected to a lot of those same stresses and few new ones, I figured I would at least become more aware of what makes up anxiety disorders with the idea of catching a problem early.

The second is that my grandparents are in a somewhat fluid state of dementia and part of that can have the byproduct of creating a more paranoid or anxious state.  So that aspect is something I wanted to look into, if only to figure out if there was a way to improve interactions with them.  Given their age and state, it is likely a lost cause.

The third would be that I know or believe I know/knew a fair number of people have or could have some form of anxiety disorder–not diagnosing, but I am cognizant that 18% of the population has some level of anxiety disorder and the age group I spend the most time with is more likely to have such issues.  And there were one or two people I think could have some level of anxiety issues–again not diagnosing, just observing a medical and behavioral history–and there were times I did not really handle myself well in dealing with those people.

Now I’m trying to learn more about anxiety disorders.  Like I said, I have some concerns about my own health, although nothing too serious.  Writing, drawing, eating well, working out, and outdoor stuff; all those have emerged as outlets to counter some anxieties.  The only things I feel I’m lacking are sleep and social interaction.  I’m working on those two, but it is… a challenge that I’m struggling to meet.  That’s kind of the whole point behind what I’m calling the Soul Wars.  But hey, my review should be happening tomorrow, so we will see how that goes.

As for dealing with other people, some of those people I didn’t handle things very well with were people I was fairly close with.  I was very dismissive of people’s worrying and that might have cost me.  There was a lot of stuff I should have been more aware of and more understanding about.  And I can see myself in such situations again.  I mean, I am part of that demographic that is more likely to have anxiety issues.  I could be friends or something more with people that experience any manner of anxiety issues.  Being able to understand and accept those were a bit of an issue.  Just one more way I’m trying to do better.

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