Wednesday Wondering for 2/10/16

February 10, 2016

Going to start doing these posts on Wednesdays, if only because I like the sound of Wednesday Wondering more than Sunday Musing.

  • Chlorine and Acid is dead.  I’ve been tip-toeing around it for awhile, but given that I’m still at the Cheese Pit and how much the drama machine seems to be in full-bore, I cannot justify continuing this comic.  When I started at the beginning of last July, I had spent a couple of months developing it with the idea that LMCBW would be cowriting it with me as part of a fresh start that we never got.  Part of me feels like this is a story I shouldn’t tell by myself.  I really do need to wash my hands of that completely.
  • Order of the Dragon will be my only comic now.  Kinda has been the case for awhile now.  Going to work some more more regular art type stuff for awhile too, develop a bit of portfolio of prints.
  • Speaking of LMCBW… I know I’ve consistently used the stories of how things unfolded as anecdotes for life lessons I’ve learned and on occasion probably went a couple steps too far.  And I do feel I got too nasty about her.  This woman was one of the most beautiful and amazing people I have ever known and she does deserve better.  I should have told her that every day. Few people have a capacity to care that would match hers.  And I let too much get in the way of what I wanted to do.  Lost plenty of sleep trying to get this shit together.  From October of 2014 on, I made some of the worst decisions of my life.  At NYCC that year, I picked up two things.  One was the Twilight Sparkle ring.  It was actually a Star Sapphire ring from the Green Lantern comics, but it looked a lot like Twilight’s cutie mark.  That was intended to be part of an elaborate proposal involving cats and bowties.  The other thing I picked up was Sex Criminals Vol. 1.  There’s a two or three page sequence in there where the main character basically gets a sex ed lesson from one of her friends and the show a variety of positions. There was a lot of sex ed in that book.  Kinda wanted to try a couple of them, but never got the chance–emotionally, it was a very stressful time and I was not what I should have been, maybe I hadn’t been for awhile.  I foolishly put off proposing because I thought it wasn’t right to do it in the middle of all the family drama going on.  Same with working on the farm.  I had decided I wanted to work on the farm that summer, but I wanted to make sure it was the right situation before I did.  Agonized over that more than I should have–felt like I owed the Cheese Pit something. Not sure what that was.  I didn’t feel it was right to throw all that in there in the middle of all that was going on.  As for spicing up the relationship, things were falling apart at that point.  This is why I don’t really have positive feelings towards LMCBW right now.  When we broke up, we needed a fresh start.  I was ready to do whatever it took to get things right.  Where they should have been.  If anything I wanted a do over on those last eight months.  I wanted to tell her all those things I should have, done all those things I should have.  Hell, I kinda wish I had proposed in October just to spite the sister and brother-in-law going across the country.  I held back for stupid reasons.  Here’s the reason I have such negative feelings about her:  She gave up on me.  That stretch was probably the most stressful and overwhelming time for both of us and if there ever was a time for a do-over, it was then.  But she didn’t see it that way and I just had so much hope at the time that it is hard for me to look positively on her actions.  I genuinely believe we could have been happy again.  I have said a lot about her and her emotional state and I am not going to deny saying any of it.  Some things I was right about, some I was wrong.  Regardless, it doesn’t change the fact that I blew it with an amazing and wonderful woman.  (Added note, I deleted the most offensive post because even that was beneath me. About half of it was nonsense anyway, but right or wrong I shouldn’t be crossing those lines.)

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